Drama in the Workplace– Working With People You Dislike, Even Hate: Learn to Engage, Respect…

Working with people you dislike, or even hate, can be distracting, draining… Pompous jerks, annoying nudges, incessant complainers, insufferable colleagues… can have a negative affect on your work attitude, performance…

Hence, instead of focusing on your work you end-up wasting time, energy… trying to keep emotions in check and attempting to deal with another person’s behavior. Fortunately, with the right tactics, you can still have a productive working relationship with a person(s) who you dislike…

According to Robert Sutton, author of the books ‘Good Boss, Bad Boss’ and ‘The No Asshole Rule’, says; it’s part of human condition… avoiding people you don’t like is generally a successful tactic, but it’s not always possible in a workplace… According to Daniel Goleman, author of the book ‘The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insight’, says; next time you find yourself shooting daggers at the person(s) in the cubicle next to you, don’t think about how the person acts, think about how you react. It’s far more productive to focus on your own behavior, because presumably you can control it…

hate1 images

In the article How to Deal With Difficult People at Work by Susan M. Heathfield writes: Difficult people do exist at work and they come in every conceivable variety. Some talk constantly and never listen. Others must always have the last word. Some coworkers fail to keep commitments. Others criticize anything that they did not create. Difficult coworkers compete with you for power, privilege and the spotlight; some go way too far in courting the boss’s positive opinion– to your detriment… Difficult people and difficult situations exist in every work place…

Hence, no matter the situation or person(s) in which you find yourself, you must deal it… or when left unaddressed it usually gets worse… It’s far better to address a difficult issue while you can maintain some objectivity, emotional control… whereas, constant complaining about a coworker or situation is counter productive and it can quickly earn you a title of– whiner, complainer… and managers may wonder why you are unable to solve your own problems– even when a manager is part of the problem…

More important, if you are embroiled in a constant conflict at work, you may not only get blamed for being– ‘unable to handle the situation like a mature professional’– you may also be labeled as a ‘difficult’ person, too… If the situation continues to deteriorate, the organization and the boss may decide if you are a ‘high maintenance’ employee, and if you are easily replaceable with a more professional or cooperative person…

Hence, start out by examining yourself, ask: Is the other person really the problem or are you just overreacting? Have you always experienced difficulty with the same type of person or actions? Does a pattern exist for you in your interaction with coworkers? Hence, always start with self-examination to determine– whether the object of your issue is really the difficult person, or is it your problem…

In the article How to Work with a Boss You Hate by Alan Henry writes: Sometimes you have to deal with a boss you can barely tolerate, and in these situations the first thing you must do is figure out whether your boss is a bad manager or a bad person. The former implies that he doesn’t give you the direction, priorities, and guidance you need to succeed at your job. The latter is a highly subjective way of saying the two of you don’t see eye-to-eye for personal reasons. If your boss is just a bad manager, you can functionally compensate for the issues with planning and structure. If your issue with your boss is one of personality, your job will require some perspective-checking on your part. Still, there are ways through both problems, but you are not going to make any headway, unless you  are clear on which issue you are facing…

Hence, the first question you must ask yourself is: Are you the problem? Remember, everyone’s the hero of their own story, and everyone believes they are the person in the right. Your manager is no different. Step back for a moment and ask yourself if you are contributing to the poor relationship, e.g.; many frustrated employees may just be oversensitive to the criticisms and natural flow of their workplace…

Learn to take criticism without getting worked-up over style of communication, i.e.; tone, delivery… Focus on the message, instead of the boss’s personality. Try to separate your emotional response from things that irritate you, and instead give the boss clear and constructive feedback when he or she does something that makes you uncomfortable… Choose your battles wisely and understand that you both have to work together…

Even if your job sucks that doesn’t mean you cannot fix it; and you must start with by managing yourself. Whether your issues with the boss are personal or professional, you can benefit from some simple coping mechanisms that will help you deal with a bad boss without escalating the situation…

If the problem with the boss is they are a bad manager, sometimes using personal leverage and common ground to get around their managerial problems is the best way to move forward… If the problem is personal, sometimes getting more engaged with each other is the key to breaking the wall between you. Working on the same priorities towards a common goal can melt even the thickest ice…

Remember, you are on the same team here… Sometimes all of the common ground, shared priorities, coping mechanisms, and de-stressing techniques cannot heal the rift between you and a bad boss… It’s easy to say ‘your boss sucks and just quit’… Sometimes it’s worth the effort to work it out; give it a try…

hate thX1RD37SS

In the article How To Manage Someone You Hate by Mike Michalowicz writes: Ironically, teams in which everyone likes each other are typically weak teams. People have tendency to like others who are similar to them; you revel in similarities, e.g.; you grew-up in the same town… went to the same college… enjoy the same activities… When there are many similarities between people on a team, then it becomes a team of copy-cats with tunnel vision…

There is greatness in differences; your company needs diversity but along with diversity comes the potential for personal conflict, disliking or even hating each other… The problem with disliking or hating others always boils down to your thoughts; challenge yourself to explore your own thinking– Often, when you dislike someone, it’s because you see behavior in that person that may remind you of yourself… Hate is an indicator that something in you must be fixed and when fixed, you become more tolerant person… Here are some coping strategies:

  • Stop trying to like everyone: A big fallacy of people is to believe they need to like everyone… A manager just needs to respect what employees do… And when I say ‘respect’; I mean to see genuine value in the talent, abilities in each and every employee. Stop trying to find things to like about the employee that you hate, just find something to respect…
  • Hate your hate, because it hates you: The greater your hate for colleagues the greater the burden is for you to carry the weight. Hating does not hurt anyone except you, in the form of stress… Recognize that people are a result of everything they have experienced in their life, just like you… When you look beyond pettiness, the burden you carry evaporates and you are able to manage better…

It’s important to know how to work with all types of people on a professional level even if you dislike or hate them (although hate is a very strong word)… According to Grace Ferguson; in positive work environments employees accept their difference and work toward  common good, even when they come across people who rubs them the wrong way… If you allow negative emotion to fester it can consume and drain you, and it will take its toll on your work performance… and eventually it will grow into open hostility, causing very difficult work environment…

According to Kathy Caprino; when you hate someone at work, you have several options in dealing with it, e.g.; just bury feelings and get over it, or look at yourself and determine if you are the problem, or address the challenges directly with the other person(s), or get help from someone else at work to step in as a mediator…

hate th0T6B8QKO

If you are having people problems at work, you must make the effort to create a shift to make a change. If you don’t change, the problem won’t change– it will follow you around until it’s resolved, in one way or another… You must understand that hating a person(s) is not in anyone’s best interest– it harms you, your potential for success, your nemesis, and the organization… even if you think you are justified…

According to Cheryl Stein; reality of the workplace is that sometimes you must work with people who you dislike. Worse, sometimes you end-up working with people you absolutely hate…  However, sometimes just trying to get to know someone a little better, extending a hand may be all that is necessary to improve the situation…

Stay focused on larger dreams, career goals, improving organization… Avoid getting caught-up in petty workplace drama… be aware that difficult people exist in every workplace…